


the art of undying death and everything that follows

by PurpleCatGhost



Series: Existential Existence [2]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Benrey ain't having a good time but don't worry he'll get better, Canon-Typical Violence, Flashbacks, Gordon is also not having the best time but he is getting better, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Game, Recovery, Temporary Character Death, The Void, slight panic attack?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24277678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleCatGhost/pseuds/PurpleCatGhost
Summary: Last time Benrey checked, he was in the void, finding it harder and harder to stay awake. Now he's in an apartment he's never seen and the only way it gets more unbelievable is when he finds it's Gordon Freeman's apartment. Gordon, the one person who probably wouldn't hesitate to kill him again.Except he's looking at him in a much softer way then before and Benrey is certain that he missed something while he was gone and has no idea how to deal with this.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Dr Coomer/Bubby, Gordon Freeman & Everyone
Series: Existential Existence [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744276
Comments: 64
Kudos: 711





	the art of undying death and everything that follows

**Author's Note:**

> In which Benrey monologues one and a half times and is still getting used to not being in the void, Gordon isn't used to Benrey, and Dr Coomer and Gordon have a conversation they've been avoiding.
> 
> (This is a part 2 to my last fic which you can find in my 'Existential Existence' series! Won't make as much sense without reading that first)

For Benrey, it goes something like this: 

He dies. Except, it feels different this time because unlike all the _other_ times he died, it feels more permanent. Chains weighing him down, pain that doesn’t fade, and Benrey isn’t actually sure what’s going on because his memory is one of the first things to get twisted.

For a moment, it feels like everything fades. Like there’s no pain because there’s no existence. Benrey can’t decide if that’s better or worse than before.

He doesn’t get to decide because it doesn’t _stick._ Reality is back- or at least reality as he knows it- and Benrey is stuck in an endless darkness. The Void.

And all the void has to offer him is a door that won’t open.

Benrey can tug, punch, or kick the door all he wants. It doesn’t budge. He’s not entirely sure what’s on the other side and from what it looks like, he might never know. Because the door doesn’t want to open for him.

So Benrey spends his days in the void. It’s as boring as it sounds. 

At first, that’s all it is: Boring. No other people to talk to, nothing to tinker around with or keep himself entertained- his powers refuse to work properly, only sputtering weakly in a burst of out of place color that looks uncomfortably like a glitch- and no sense of time.

Benrey sits in the void with no idea how long it’s been. He’s not sure at what point he finally seems to exhaust himself, but Benrey decides to lay down and sleep. 

And while the void takes everything else away from him, it seems to let him keep dreams at the very least. 

It’s somewhat pleasant at first. It’s just memories- walking through Black Mesa and poking fun at Gordon, killing aliens, asking anyone that moves for their passport or a free month for the PS Plus- the usual stuff. Benrey could sit and watch his memories for weeks, but then it changes.

It changes as soon as he gets to the part where he dies for real and it doesn’t go back.

Because Benrey dies. Again and again and again. Ripped apart and slapped back together again, only for the process to repeat. Pain like he’s never felt before makes him curl up defensively in a hope that it’ll stop but it doesn’t. Stuck in a loop with no sign of slowing down or stopping.

And the worst part is that Benrey is powerless in his dreams. 

Dr. Coomer beats him into a bloody pulp and gives a wild grin as he starts to bleed out on the ground. _“You know what happens next, don’t you? I do. There’s not any sort of heaven or hell on the other side. There’s **nothing.** And I know you’ll hate **every second** of it.”_

He dies to the sound of Dr. Coomer laughing. **Reset.**

Bubby tears him limb from limb. Literally. He shows no mercy and doesn’t say a word until Benrey is almost gone. _“You fucked up.”_

Bubby turns around and doesn’t look back. **Reset.**

Tommy never actually hurts him in his dreams, but he’s always there, in the background. He looks disappointed. He does nothing to help. He tells him, _“I can’t help you anymore... I’m sorry.”_

Benrey’s eyes are locked on Tommy’s. He’s never felt more like a failure in his life. **Reset.**

The ones with Gordon keep changing. He’s shooting at him or stabbing him or strangling him- but it always ends the same. No matter where he starts, Benrey _knows_ where he’ll end up.

Gordon always aims for the heart. He pulls it out of his chest and stomps at it or shoots at it or crushes it. Sometimes all he needs to use are his words. _“Freak. Who the hell would ever care about someone like you?”_

The deaths continue to pile up. **Reset.**

And by the time Benrey wakes up, it feels like it’s been days.

—

Benrey tries not to sleep. It doesn’t work.

Despite never actually doing anything in it, something about the void makes him tired. Benrey does everything he can to keep himself awake but the void lulls him into a dream and the nightmares begin again.

Each time he wakes up, Benrey tries to open the door. It doesn’t work, remaining as firm as it was before. He tries knocking, banging on the door as hard as he can in hopes that there’s someone on the other side who will hear him but even if someone does hear him, he gets no response.

Each time he wakes up, Benrey has less and less time before he falls asleep again. It’s like the void slowly drains him and despite all his efforts, Benrey can’t escape it. He can’t do anything about it. 

He’s trapped in an endless, unforgiving void.

The dreams get a little longer each time he falls asleep. He dreads the day where he falls asleep and doesn’t wake back up.

—

There’s no doubt in his mind that the void is draining him now. Benrey barely has the energy to _walk_ now, much less do anything about it. He can’t tell how long it’s been but his guess is at least a week or two.

These days when he wakes up, he lays there. Glitched energy dispels- it takes Benrey a while to realize it but apparently whatever’s left of his powers goes haywire in his sleep. Unfortunately that’s just about all it does. Benrey stares at nothing and huffs to himself.

“Must’ve done something to deserve this, huh.” He asks the empty space. “Didn’t think it was that bad. I didn’t even want to be bad.”

Silence. That’s all the Void gives him.

“It wasn’t- I didn’t even have much of a choice.” Benrey sighs, closing his eyes. “You know as much as I do that this… It's not anything. It’s not, like, _real._ It never was. And I’m not either.”

He pauses. He doesn’t know why he pauses like someone will respond. Of course no one does- what was he thinking? “It’s written at the end of the game- Benrey’s the big bad! Whoa! So cool.” Benrey gestures with his hands, then they fall flat. The slap they make when they hit the ground echoes for a minute. “Anyone who knows how to influence the game could’ve seen it. So of course I did and that… I dunno, it _sucked._ Nothing I did changed the ending. So I said, ‘What's the point?’ And had some fun with it. Just- put yourself in my skin! Wear me as a skin suit- you’ll understand! I didn’t-...”

His voice is the only sound he can hear. Benrey fidgets. “It’s cruel, y’know? This is the worst fate for someone like me. I- I _liked_ what I had. I liked having people to talk to, things to do- I just wanted to go home and play video games! But as soon as Feetman walked in I knew… I knew none of that was real anyways. I don’t have a house or a PS4- I don’t even think _Josh_ exists. I thought maybe if I just kept repeating it and making it real to me, it would actually be real. Maybe I could really go home- maybe there aren’t predetermined deaths!”

Benrey gulps. His hands feel all sweaty. His heartbeat is too loud. He talks to an empty void and the only thing filling it with sound is himself. 

“It’s really cruel. I like people. They make noise- lots of noise... Why did it have to be me, huh? Why couldn’t you have chosen someone else? Someone… Someone who could lay here and feel peace.”

Benrey talks and talks and talks to the void. No one responds. Benrey is alone. He’s starting to think that’s all he’ll ever be.

—

Benrey dreams and wishes he could be doing anything else.

Gordon Freeman holds him up by the collar and sneers at him. He’s cockier than Benrey’s ever seen him and filled to the brim with malice. Benrey struggles, trying to kick at him to get him to let him go but he’s got an iron grip on him. There’s a fire in his eyes, one that looks like it wants to burn Benrey down.

“Not so powerful now, are you, _Benrey?”_ Gordon suddenly throws him to the side like a rag doll. Benrey skids across the ground and coughs up blood into his hands. His entire body is bruised. He can’t even remember what happened. 

With one arm propping him up, he tries to stand. Gordon beats him to it, stomping on his hand, a _crunch_ filling the air. Benrey tries to hold back tears. Everything _hurts._ He used to brush it off- turning off his ability to feel pain and to die- but now all of that’s gone. Now, Gordon Freeman looks down on him and smirks.

“Tommy told me your little secret, you know.” Benrey’s entire body freezes. This doesn’t happen in every dream but the worst ones always have it. “That somehow _you_ can feel love, and you’re in love with _me.”_

_“S-shut up...”_ Benrey’s unbroken hand clenches into a fist. His body trembles against his will. 

“Oh come on, you don’t find it the _least_ bit funny too? Can’t _laugh_ at your own irony? I mean, you _knew!”_ Gordon laughs. For once, it’s not music to Benrey’s ears- it’s a dagger to his heart. “You knew what I would do! You knew the _ending!_ That at the end of this all, I would kill you- _and you still fell in love with me!”_

_“Shut up.”_ Benrey’s voice is a little louder.

“Do you think that was in your programming? Or is it just another thing to add to your list of _defects?”_ Benrey is beaten to hell and somehow it’s his words that hurt the most. “That’s all you are, Benrey. _Defective._ That’s why you’re here- in the _nothingness where you **belong!**_ This game knew you were a _parasite_ and tried to get rid of you just like everyone else did!” 

His smile grows wider. “Just like I’m doing.” He kneels down to his level, forcing Benrey to make eye contact with him. “I never so much as _liked_ you. What made you think that you had any sort of chance with me?”

_“Shut up!”_ Benrey finally screams.

Gordon doesn’t so much as flinch. He shakes his head at him. “You can’t deny the facts, Benrey. And the fact is,” he turns his gun-hand and aims right for Benrey’s heart, “I want you _gone.”_

Benrey knows this part. He’s memorized it by now- the part where he dies and everything resets, only for the same result to happen again and again. He braces himself for it.

But it never comes. 

Instead, he jolts awake to someone grabbing his wrist. When his head turns, he’s still in the void but now Gordon stands before him, looking a little worse for wear and for once, not wearing a HEV suit. He doesn’t even have his gun for a hand, a prosthetic in its place. 

His touch feels warm. _Real._ Which seems impossible because last time Benrey checked, he was alone here.

Benrey speaks but he doesn’t recognize his own voice. It doesn’t sound like his anymore- not to mention his voice feels rough, like he’s been screaming.

Gordon talks to him and Benrey strains himself to hear him. He tells him to calm down. _Calm down…_ Anger boils in his blood. After _everything,_ Gordon wants _him_ to calm down.

Benrey doesn’t want to calm down. He’s been nothing but compliant with everything that’s happened. Letting himself be the bad guy, letting himself die, letting himself get _stuck here._ He’s so _tired_ of calming down.

Truthfully, it happens by accident but his powers respond to his rising anger and react by promptly defending him. It doesn’t last long, however. Because Gordon says something that catches Benrey off guard.

_“-‘m trying to help you!”_

_...huh._ It’s probably all another dream anyways but exhaustion settles itself deep in Benrey’s bones. Because maybe he’s tired of calming down and going along with everything but maybe he’s tired of fighting too. Dream or not, Gordon sounds sincere.

_“You…”_ Benrey isn’t sure what he wants to say. He trails off and never finishes his thought. 

For the first time, Benrey has a dreamless sleep.

—

Next time Benrey wakes up, he almost feels refreshed. Still tired but it’s better than he last woke up- which is strange. Because usually the Void makes him feel worse.

Then, two seconds later, he realizes he’s actually comfortable and bolts up, eyes wide. _He’s not in the void._ He would suspect another dream but his dreams always take place in places he’s been before. Benrey’s memories are a little scrambled but he _knows_ he’s never been here.

It’s a nice apartment. He’s in the living room, laying on the couch. He glances around, seeing a coffee table, arm chair, and TV with a few DVD cases lying around it. The kitchen isn’t too far away either, with the usual appliances and a table with a few chairs. By all means, it's normal. All of it- it’s incredibly ordinary. 

But Benrey’s never been here before, which begs the question, _how_ and _why_ is he here?

It takes him longer than he would admit to notice there’s a pillow to his back and a blanket laying on him. Benrey would’ve just passed it off for somehow teleporting here, but now it looks like someone out him here _intentionally._

Benrey’s first guess is Tommy but he doesn’t see any dog supplies anywhere. Bubby? Dr. Coomer? It’s _possible_ but the environment seems too domestic for them. Forzen? They’re not on great terms but- _no, this place isn’t his style either._

Which leaves him with one option- unless his friend Josh that he suspects is just a fabrication of the game really _is_ real, which Benrey kinda doubts because he has no idea what he even looks like. No, instead, Benrey is left with the last person who would want to see him. And when he hears a door open- he suspects which leads to a bedroom- and he turns to face Gordon Freeman, who looks like he just rolled out of bed. 

Gordon stares at him with wide eyes and all Benrey can think of is that it’s another nightmare. That any second, the domestic apartment is going to be covered in his blood and he shouldn’t have let his guard down.

“Benrey…” 

His voice is soft. There’s no malice, no distaste, not even an annoyed undertone. Gordon Freeman looks at him with an unreadable expression and he sounds _soft_ when talking to _Benrey._

Benrey’s used to him rolling his eyes at him. Scoffing at him, shooting at him- anything _but_ soft. This… It’s new. Benrey isn’t sure what changed. 

“We have a lot to talk about.” Gordon says.

_That’s_ something they can agree on. Benrey glances around again. It sure _feels_ real but… He shakes it off. “Uh, yeah, where- where are we?” He asks almost immediately.

Gordon pauses. “Oh, right. You’ve- you’ve never been here but this is my apartment. Home sweet home.” He frowns slightly after a moment. “Don’t- don’t call it shit. It’s kinda one of the only things I got going for me.”

“It’s… Not bad.” Benrey mumbles. His eyes dart to the TV. “Can’t believe you don’t have any game consoles though. Not even a _Wii.”_

Gordon stifles a laugh. “Figured you’d bring that up. Guess you’re still you.” 

Benrey can’t tell if his statement is a good or a bad one but at the very least it seems faintly a fond one. Gordon moves finally, sitting down in the armchair. He pauses for a long moment before huffing. “Let’s just clear the air- get it over with.” 

Benrey nods slightly. Gordon sucks in a breath. “So… You tried to kill me.”

“And you did kill me.” Benrey mumbles.

“I did do that- I’m not trying to deny that. But it was self defense. In response to you trying to kill me.”

“You tried several times before that.”

“You got my _hand_ cut off.

“I did do that...” Benrey huffs. “Didn’t want to be the bad guy. Stupid game wouldn’t let me be anything else.”

Gordon tenses. Benrey finally meets his eyes as he slowly says, _“You…_ You know it’s a game. Or was a game.”

“...yeah.” Benrey nods. 

“...How long?”

“As soon as you walked past me.”

“Jesus.” Gordon runs a hand through his hair. His eyebrows knit together, deep in thought. “All that time and you just- what? Had to deal with it? Fucked around?”

“What else was I gonna do?” Benrey shrugs his shoulders. His gaze drops to the ground. “Tried to change things but things didn’t want to be changed. The important stuff at least.” He gestured vaguely to Gordon’s prosthetic. “Couldn’t change that. Just caused it.”

Gordon bites the inside of his cheek. “This… _God,_ I don’t even know what to say. Thought I would’ve figured it out by now… As long as we’re here, you’re not going to… To try and _kill_ me again, are you?”

“No.” Benrey is surprised by how fast he said it. It’s the truth, Benrey doesn’t really see any reason to kill Gordon. Game's over and apparently he’s not in a mood to kill him either. He thinks, at least. “You still planning on gutting me with a knife now that you have one?”

“God- _fuck_ no.” Gordon laughs dryly. “I did not drag you out of that fucking _living existential crisis_ just to gut you all over my nice cushions.”

Benrey pauses. He can’t believe he didn’t think about this before but now it’s starting to make sense… “You pulled me out.”

Gordon raises his eyebrow at him. “Y-yeah? Didn’t you… Weren’t you awake or..?” He trails off. 

“Why would you pull me out.”

Gordon sighs. He takes off his glasses for a moment and rubs his eyes. “Listen- no offense but I don’t wanna talk about the ongoing crisis I’ve been having for three weeks. Guess I missed you or something. Closure or some shit.” He stands up. “Bottom line is, welcome to the land of the living. You can stick around for… Honestly as long as you like. Might be good to have company. I need breakfast- do- do you even need to eat?”

“No.” Benrey pauses. “You got waffles?”

A chuckle escapes Gordon. “Yeah, I do. I’ll make us some waffles.”

—

It had been almost exactly twenty four hours and Gordon isn’t even _close_ to being used to Benrey in his apartment. He knows he should be patient- that this wasn't going to happen instantly but sometimes when he briefly forgets Benrey is staying with him and sees him again, his heart leaps out of his throat. 

It's not even that he's a bad guest really. Truth be told, he only got up twice, once to get waffles and the other to explore the apartment a little. He didn’t really say much, only asking Gordon what the second bedroom was for. Gordon explained to him that while it was a guest bedroom, Joshua used it the most when he visited. Benrey just hummed slightly at that and moved on.

Other than that, Benrey laid on the couch a lot, watching mindless TV. He didn’t even seem to be watching it but left it on all through the night. Gordon had a feeling his electric bill was going to be significantly higher this month if this kept up. Benrey's silence was starting to creep Gordon out. He kinda expected the guy to follow him around and never stop talking like usual. Doing _nothing_ actually was worse.

“Hey, uh… Are you even watching that? Do you have to keep it on?” Gordon gestured towards the TV, which was playing a commercial for Chuck E Cheese. 

“I like the noise.” Was all Benrey said.

“Right.” Gordon hesitated. “Listen, I was supposed to meet everyone out for brunch so I’m gonna be out for a while.” He eyed his outfit. “You might want to take a shower and change. Your uniform _can’t_ be comfortable. I have extra clothes… Somewhere, you can probably find something.”

Gordon hoped he didn’t sound as awkward as he felt. He hadn’t had a roommate in… He couldn’t even think how long- not to mention, how _exactly_ do you talk to someone you just pulled out of death after you’re the reason they’re there in the first place? _Was Benrey even himself?_ He really couldn’t tell- none of this made sense.

Gordon thought his biggest problem would be the game ending. Now his biggest problem is that it didn’t and he has to figure out how to live normally. 

“Just- don’t set anyone on fire when I’m gone.” Gordon settles with.

“You’re no fun.” Benrey murmurs back.

Gordon almost sighs in relief. _At least he's normal enough to sass me._

—

Dr. Coomer and Bubby are already there when Gordon arrives. 

They’re sitting in one of the booths, both on the same side with Bubby’s arm around Coomer. Both give Gordon a smile when they see him and Dr. Coomer gestures for him to sit on the other side. “Hello Gordon! Glad to see you could make it! Feels like _ages_ since I’ve last seen you.”

Gordon tries not to wince at that. He laughs awkwardly. “Sorry, was a little under the weather.”

“I’ll say.” Bubby huffs at him. “You sounded like absolute _shit.”_ His eyes glance over him again, somewhat satisfied. “Least you look better now.” Gordon opens his mouth but Bubby holds up a finger. “Hold that thought, I’m going to the bathroom.”

Bubby presses his lips to Coomer’s cheek before he gets up. Coomer follows him with his eyes for a moment before looking back to Gordon. A smile is still on his face but it looks different now. Serious even.

“We never talked about what happened, did we, Gordon?” He says. 

By the tone of his voice, Gordon already knows where this is going. He sucks in a breath and shakes his head. “No… Are you… You holding up? Doing okay?”

“I am.” His voice is sincere. “As okay as I can be. I admit I had a bit of a… Well, a generally not good time for a moment there! Quite frankly, I thought we were going to be nothing but code.”

Gordon finally asks the question that’s been weighing down on his mind. “Why aren’t we?” 

“I haven’t the slightest idea. One moment, it all ends and then the next, it doesn’t! None of it makes sense and technically, we’re no more real than we were before but… It doesn’t feel that way, does it, Gordon?”

His green eyes drift to the window. Outside, a few people walk along the streets and a flock of pigeons pick at a hot dog bun someone dropped. Nothing special about the sight, but Dr. Coomer looks at it with a sense of relief. Like he’s looking at a dream come true. Gordon doesn’t blame him.

“It really _is_ a miracle, Gordon. We have a world at our fingertips- and no script to follow. We eat, sleep, dream- we’re more real than we’ve ever been.” A short chuckle escapes him. “I admit, it was _difficult_ to process at first but… It’s a new reality. Our new reality.”

A soft smile forms on Gordon’s face. “You’re really loving it here, huh?”

“Oh yes. Though again, I didn’t take it well at first. As much as _free will_ is an exciting thought, it’s rather terrifying to be thrown into after an entire life of having everything planned out for you. But, Bubby helped me along.” Dr. Coomer smiles in a way that can only be described as pure affection. “More than he knows.”

Dr. Coomer pauses for a long time. Then leans forward and looks Gordon dead in the eye. “It’s very helpful, you know. To have someone around to lean on.”

“I’ll… I’ll keep that in mind.” Gordon nods. “I know you were worried and all- but I’m getting better, don’t worry about me.”

“You better be.” Bubby huffs, sliding into the booth again as he rejoins them. “I did not drag you out of Black Mesa just so you could _ghost_ us.”

Gordon can’t suppress the wince this time. “Yeah, again, sorry about that.”

Bubby narrows his eyes at him. “Don’t do it again. I _will_ break a window to get into your apartment if I have to.”

“I… I live on the fifth floor, dude.”

_“Bitch, did I stutter?”_

“Jesus, okay!”

—

“Did you do anything other than what looks like _exactly_ what I suggest?” Gordon asks as soon as he comes back and sees Benrey lounging on the couch, now wearing one of his sweaters and sweatpants.

“I changed channels.” Benrey responds, waving his hand in the general direction of the TV.

“You… You don’t even…” Gordon frowns. “Listen, it’s fine that you’re obsessed with the TV for some reason but can you at _least_ turn it off when you’re not using it? Or-or at night? I don’t like to waste electricity.”

Benrey makes a noncommittal noise. Which Gordon takes as the best ‘Yes’ he’s going to get. He looks over Benrey once and then does a double take. “Whoa.” 

Benrey turns his head over to him. “Wha?”

“You…” Gordon pauses to collect himself. “I’ve never seen your hair. Honestly, I wasn’t sure you _had_ any.”

Where his helmet used to be is a black, fluffy mess of hair that sticks in all directions. Gordon swallows the urge to touch it. _Too weird._ He tells himself.

“Oh yeah, guess I haven’t really shown it off.” Benrey shrugs. When Gordon’s staring persists, a slow smirk appears on his face. “What? Am I too pretty now? You wanna kiss?”

That makes Gordon snap out of it, shaking his head. “Whatever.” He scoffs slightly, though he thinks about it for a tad too long for his own sanity. “If you’re going to keep the TV on, might as well use it. Want to watch a movie or something?”

(If Gordon has been paying attention, he might’ve known the disappointment in Benrey’s eyes when he dismissed the thought)

“Yeah, sure. Just don’t choose anything shit.”

Gordon stops for a moment. “Wait, what kind of movie would you even want to watch? I can’t even _begin_ to guess what kind of movies you like.”

“You got Barbie and the Three Musketeers?” A grin appears on Benrey’s face.

“...You’re in luck, Joshua can’t get enough of the Barbie movies.”

Gordon makes a beeline for the DVD cases as Benrey’s grin grows.

—

It’s midnight according to the clock that Benrey stares at and it's too quiet.

Benrey promised to turn the TV off this time. He doesn’t want to but he kinda owes Gordon. Somehow, he got him out of there and he did it _willingly-_ which Benrey still doesn’t quite get. Benrey can’t resist talking to him like he usually does- not to mention Gordon seemed spooked at Benrey’s inactivity- but he doesn’t want to push his limits. Gordon could just as easily kick him out of the house or kill him and send him back to the void. Benrey doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

So he sits there in the silence, trying to make himself go to sleep even though he really doesn’t want to. He wants to avoid dreaming if he can- he’s sick of dreams.

But unfortunately, being awake doesn’t seem to be much better. 

It’s quiet. Benrey can only hear his own breathing and the second he becomes too aware of that, he blinks and he’s in the void. He jerks suddenly, panic filling up his heart and in the moment, falls off the couch. He groans when he hits the ground but luckily, he opens his eyes up again and he’s back in Gordon’s apartment. _This is reality._ Benrey reminds himself.

Benrey pauses for a long moment but luckily, Gordon didn’t seem to hear him falling off the couch. 

_Gordon._ Benrey sat up, an idea forming in his head. He gets up and softly makes his way into Gordon’s bedroom. 

As suspected, he’s fast asleep, snoring softly. Benrey pauses before shuffling over to the wall and sitting up against it. 

Gordon’s snoring is what fills the room. Benrey closes his eyes, letting out a breath and finding peace in being able to rest knowing he’s not alone. In finding sound that isn’t his own.

He’s not in the void anymore. Gordon is a reminder of that. Gordon is the comfort that he clings onto, never wanting to return.

_“I, uh, don’t think I ever said this…”_ Benrey whispers to a sleeping Gordon. _“But… Thank you. For getting me out of there. It was hell- worse probably. Kinda still shocked that… You of all people were the one who got me out of there. I thought you hated me. Maybe you still do but uh… Yeah, thanks for that.”_

Benrey doesn’t notice how the snoring stopped as he started talking and continues. _“Oh, and for letting me stick around. It’s a nice apartment- I don’t think I even have a place of my own and even if I did… I- I don’t want to be there. Because then I’d be the only one there and there’s- there’s no people in the void. It’s just kinda… Quiet. All the time. Felt like it resented me for being there sometimes, like it wanted to be alone and it punished me for it? I dunno. Everything felt different there- I felt different there. There’s no people in the void so it’s… I like having you around. Even if you don’t feel the same.”_

_“That’s kinda presumptive of you…”_ Gordon mumbles.

_“But you-...”_ Benrey freezes. “Oh… Did I wake you up?”

“Mmhmm.” Gordon shifts, half sitting up to get a look at him. He rubs his eyes. “I was gonna ask what the hell you were doing but I think I got a rough idea now… You’re not doing so hot either, huh?”

Benrey slowly shakes his head. Gordon hums thoughtfully. “The Void didn’t treat you well from the sound of it.”

“No, not really…”

Gordon seems to squint at him through the darkness. “Alright, I’m only gonna say this once and I’m pretty sure the only reason I have the guts to say it is because I just woke up but… Benrey, I don’t _hate_ you. Don’t know when that happened but I think it’s because I look at you and like… You don’t look like the same guy who sold me out to a bunch of soldiers and got my hand cut off. Which I’m still mad about by the way.”

“‘M sorry 'bout that.” Benrey murmurs.

“...Slightly _less_ mad about now- I’ve never heard you even _apologize_ before tonight.” Gordon lets out a long breath. “Everything’s changing- look, the point is that recently, I was reminded of the fact that apparently the fact that I’m a good person means that I couldn’t rest leaving things unfinished. So yeah, I pulled you out on my own terms because I couldn’t get you out of my head. And here we are.”

A long silence passed between them. Eventually, Gordon huffed. “If you wanna talk more, can we save it until morning? I _really_ need to sleep.”

Benrey nods and Gordon settles back down with a drawn out huff. “Oh, and Benrey?”

“Hm?”

“You’re welcome.” Gordon says before turning on his side. “...Also are you just going to… Sleep there or something? Is that even comfortable?”

“Comfortable enough.”

Gordon doesn’t respond to that and soon enough, he’s snoring again. Benrey settles against the wall, hearing the rhythm to it and without noticing, begins to drift off as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Ohh boy that took a hot minute to write. I'm not totally satisfied with it but I think that's the most satisfied I can be with it right now so here we are! I still got more ideas for this series- both serious and a few not so much- but either way I'm not done with this yet.
> 
> Notes!
> 
> \- In case you're curious, the whole idea and mechanics of The Void were inspired by my own fears of said void. The whole idea of slowly losing yourself? Freaky as hell to me. Going off of this, I figured that if you're someone like Benrey who is somewhat talkative and hangs around people, this would be absolute hell so Benrey is still reeling from getting pulled out after being there for three weeks (Which feels longer to him because there's not really any concept of Time in the void) andddd hence, Benrey's obsession with having the TV on or someone in the room. Makes him feel normal again and like he's not back there.
> 
> \- Chose to add the scene with Dr. Coomer, Bubby, and Gordon because A: I really wanted to write more of those two (I have a fic idea based around them that might be coming up) and B: Wanted to have a Post Game talk between Gordon and Dr. Coomer to kinda discuss what the world means for them
> 
> \- Not much of Tommy in this one but don't worry, I have ideas for him
> 
> And that's it I believe! Hopefully this was good! Comments are highly appricated- thank you all so much for the comments on the last one, I cannot even BEGIN to describe the joy I felt, you're all absolutely amazing and thank you for reading!


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